Happy Mum, Happy Body, Happy Athlete

It's true, life can be hard. Really hard.

Over the period of lockdown, I was interviewed for a podcast with the Agegroup Multisport Podcast. I spoke about my battles with post-natal depression, feelings of imposter syndrome on a triathlon start line, and my general naivety when it comes to all things training.

I started training for triathlons three months after having my first child: my amazing daughter, Charlotte. My previous sporting incarnations included playing tennis nationally, and also representative level of rowing, netball and athletics. Sport had always been part of my life! During pregnancy, I exercised every day - my body held up to the demands of pregnancy very well. Having said that, my birth experience wasn't what I had planned or wished for, and it left me completely spent. Fast forward a long few weeks of desperately trying (and failing) to breastfeed, utter exhaustion, and heightened anxiety about being a 'bad mum', I ended up with postnatal depression.

I just wasn't 'me'. I'd lost sense of who I was, what I could do, and what I wanted to be.

After an agonising decision to stop failing to breastfeed allowed me greater freedom, and at the end of February 2019, I went for my first run as a mum. It was brilliant, certainly not quick, but the endorphins I experienced instantly transformed my day.

I entered my first ever triathlon to 'give me something to work towards', and to 'see what I could do'. I came 4th overall and 2nd in my age group, and I was hooked.

I've had a pretty remarkable first year in multisport racing: qualified for GB standard distance age group team in my 4th ever race, and first ever standard distance; qualifying for standard distance duathlon; and completing a 70.3 in only my 7th ever event (with a time of 5:12).

Over the winter of 2019/20, I had a pretty ridiculous period of illness after illness, which really affected my happiness and motivation. I was really excited to start working with Tim and Catenary Coaching back in October, having applied for and got a place on their sponsorship programme, but I mentally just couldn't do it. I was burned out both physically and mentally and ran away from the help I was being offered (I was probably the worst decision Tim had made at that time!).

Coming into the start of 2020, I was still dealing with illness (which I think was actually Covid-19 looking back), and trying to be fit for Punta Umbria and the 2020 European Duathlon Champs at the beginning of March. Somehow, I got to the start line and actually finished the race - even finishing 2nd! It was a massive lesson for me in pushing your expectations, not giving up, and giving 110%. On coming back to England, I had decided to work properly with Tim to add structure to my training and I was so grateful for his patience and time in helping me build up my strength and confidence.

The title of this post is about happiness. I've had a fair few things thrown at me in the last 18 months, but having a happy space of training, the predictability of a programme, and the characteristics of a coach who understands, has all contributed to me being well on the way to being stronger than I have ever been both physically and mentally. Resilience is often overlooked, but sometimes, to be happy requires a complete destabilisation of everything you previously knew to be true.

Moving forwards, my life will be different. I have a daughter to look after and fit my training around, but I have a determination to show her what women can do if they are determined, strong, and, most importantly, not afraid to be the 'real' them. Bring on 2021 - surely it can't be worse than this year!

Sarah Harding